Temple Balls - 'Pyromide'

Actually, the band’s name is not, in fact, testicle-themed. Temple Balls is apparently a traditional hashish rolling technique and allegedly the band got the name from the autobiography of fellow Finn and ex-Hanoi Rocks member, Andy McCoy.

Some of the music is suitably gonad-focused though as this is a party-hard kind of an album. “T.O.T.C.” is a bit of a fox-hunting anthem (and we’re not talking hounds and twats on horses here) – it stands for Thrill of the Chase by the way. “Bad Bad Bad” is another one and it’s a disco glam-rock romp.

Opener “Thunder from the North” rocks hard and actually sounds like Airbourne would if they drank prosecco instead of beer and added a touch of Eurovision. Some of the polish comes from Jonah Tee out of H.E.A.T who is on production duties for the Balls’ third album and the band’s music captures that bombastic metal sound that you can bang your head or shake your cojones and booty to, kind of like ‘Battle Beast in Black’ and bands of that ilk.

There are sacks full of good tub-thumping Eurobeat metal tunes on display including several plum tracks of which the crown jewels include “Long Ways, Long Lies” and “Fallen Youth” which sadly is not about when your balls drop. It’s all good fun like a gonzo Danger Danger with driving beats and shouty choruses that hit you like a boot in the stones. The one slow one is a bombastic piano ballad “If Only I Could” which is scrotum-shrivelingly good. They’ve man-scaped it to a trim 11 tracks and you’d be nuts to miss this as it’s a pretty potent offering. No vasectomy needed so slip this in your baw bags and take it home to enjoy the fruit of their loins – it really is the dog’s bollocks.

Incidentally, mine are called ‘Itchy & Scratchy’.